i sit by candle light, performatively reflecting upon my mental state. a ritual including a candelabra, myrrh, a silver bowl of popcorn, my ashtray alter. may the gods always bless upon tobacco – fore there is but one single constant which keeps me standing on my own two feet. alas, you have caught me amidst my dramatic showcasing of love. 

my sweet, my sleek, my razor skinny ice cold baby. i would do anything for you. i would die 394 times over just to feel your graze upon my two lips for eternity. we have been everywhere together. you have seen me each which-way, upside-down, and sideways. i cannot recall existence before i found you. 

quivering, as the rug of perception is violently ripped out from underneath my feet. i have accepted that i am a coward, just a scared little girl pretending i am not shaking in my boots. knowing that you are always within reach brings fourth a [thin, practically opaque] veil of comfort and security. you the only constant i will ever need. i smell you in the air, everywhere. you are the foundation of my presence. with you, i am myself. with you, i have found the feeling of home. when i put you in my mouth, the world disappears – i experience the sensation of breath in its most glorious form. my deepest wish is to be inhaling you each waking moment.

i exhale, as you simultaneously transfigure to the purest form of beauty in unique dimension and curve. when the sun shines through windows opposing my bed, i arise from sleep and begin to think of you. although this is a love letter, i do not believe there are words to describe the kind of joy that radiates throughout the entirety of my body when i remember i get the pleasure of having you each and everyday. i shall hold you in my hands until this body relinquishes its final breath.

you are not small. you are my world, my reason for being. you are an undeserved reward, as i perpetually abuse you. you are a perfect specimen. to you, i am utterly and completely addicted.

i know you do not love me – you will never love me – and  in regards to this matter, you are inherently incapable. this does not, nor will it ever, diminish the way that i feel about you. 

despite this inherent truth, you never fail to produce a sparkle to my eyes.

right now you are just mere feet away, beaconing to me, and patiently awaiting our reunion in the kitchen.

to my vape, i love you

forever,

zoë