Depression was the main driving force behind the original posts on this blog. This will be my first fresh piece of meat in which sadness was not in the proverbial drivers seat of my mind. This vehicle (which I would say closely resembles a Toyota corolla) is now being owned and operated by a larger range of emotions.

Until this point, I did not feel the need to discuss feelings other than sadness with anyone outside of my Toyota Corolla. I thought it best to keep it inside the car, obviously I would roll the windows down and put on a good playlist. Music is the ultimate salve for any wound, even one within the psyche. However; change happens even if you put the same playlist on repeat. This is where I inform the readers that I do have a solid repertoire of public playlists linked in this site menu and you should listen to them sometime.

After a recent discussion with my wife/platonic partner/roomate/bff, I felt compelled to pull out yee olde feelings wheel. As I perused the colorful and playful display of a blueprint for thought, I felt a compulsion to run it back per say. Over the course of the next few hours I recalled an example of a situation or time in which one of these feelings was experienced. Recent memories primarily dominated this exercise. I would like to add the context that as I was working my way around the wheel, I was also looking directly at two (2) ballsacks penetrating a small asian woman’s holes, albeit, they were meticulously groomed and quite well lit sacks. Context aside, I will admit that this adult homework was extremely challenging for me. I would even go as far as saying that I feel embarrassed by how grueling this simple, child-like activity was for me.

While I wasn’t paying attention, I had accidentally entered into a pact with my good friend – detachment from myself – she’s a really cute little bunny and she is the best plus one to any party. In the words of my wife, and also the opening line of our recent discussion, “you have been extremely committed to dissociating, and we need to talk about it”. Exercise and all, I came to find that I had quite some feelings on the matter. I have quite some feelings on several matters. I have feelings because I am matter, and my feelings do matter. RE: the last sentence – discussing feelings, especially online, feels tremendously self-masturbatory. 

My friend Judy, who I admire greatly, is quite literally a philosopher. In the face of approaching anything such as a situation at hand or a new relationship, she consults the divinations of the IChing. Judy is really fucking cool and everyone should follow her on twitter (@gremlin_bb) and read her latest work. Someday, not tomorrow but very soon – maybe in like three weeks or forty years, I will be able to reach a similar level of philosophical consciousness. But in light of today being today, I must conquer baby’s first mind map™, the silly feelings wheel.