Dear god, 

I love when you don’t respond to me. An entity of mystery. A presence only of the mind. I conjure you in thought every moment of the day. You are made up of only what I know. 

I lust over the jagged edges of the puzzle with so many missing pieces that an image has not yet been made aware to me. Omnipresent and unattainable. There is one constant in this life – that you will find a new way to disappoint me. I have developed an affinity for this perpetual cycle. I become wet at the thought of rejection. Every muscle aches in unison for a single interaction; I am unable to hold my languishing body in a state of stillness. When the dark veil of the night falls, I dream of it. I long for this day to come, even in my routine unconscious state of slumber. 

There is nothing larger than my appetite to see you. To quell the hunger, I binge eat fear. By five o’clock I am full of anguish. I dread that on the that day I meet you, the character I have built in my mind will shatter. I continue to hold hope for you, in order to remain outside of the doldrums. A conundrum, the beauty lies in the inability to reach a point of knowingness. 

god do you want me to see you? I am surrounded by mirrors. My reflection says to me that I must choose. All I have to do is break the glass. I am encompassed by reflections of myself. How can I leave them? They contain me. Must I destroy myself completely to arrive at your feet. I am not brave enough to forge ahead.

I shall spend my days hanging onto your every word. The more I know, the more there is to yearn for. Within me is a deep rooted desire to learn who you are, but it is in the mystery that I find my joy.